Family Planning

I like to peruse a certain section in the drug store. Surely you've been there; it's the section with all the condoms, flavoured sexual lubricants, sexually stimulating devices, dental dams and massage oils. In other words, the area of the store that sells contraceptives and sex aids. Personally, I'd give this section a catchy name like "FUN TIMES" or "FLUID EXCHANGE", but alas, we have to bullshit ourselves and not call things what they are, so we're stuck with:

"FAMILY PLANNING"

Family planning. What is the meaning of this nonsense? I suspect it's meant to subtly remind every horny, acne-cursed teenager furtively buying condoms that they're doing something risky and potentially irreversible. The poor kids know this---that's why they're buying condoms! Reminding them when they're already doing the smart thing is the act of an insecure, fearful parent figure.

The language is not only an unnecessary reminder, it's also misleading. Lubricants and sex toys have nothing to do with making a family; they have everything to do with having sex, which is incidentally the way two people begin a family. Lubrication enhances the pleasure of sex, but does not aid in conception. In fact, some lubricants deter conception--those that contain spermicide. The same idea applies to those vibrating 'pleasure rings' or whatever the hell they're called; they're intended to help you get your rocks off, not populate the Earth.

Condoms are the antithesis of "Family Planning"; they're family prevention! Then again, it might scare and shock some people to see "FAMILY PREVENTION" looming over their heads on a big sign at Shopper's Drug Mart. Seems a little, oh I don't know, overtly antisocial.

Getting back to the point here; when you're planning to have a family, that's when you DON'T use condoms. The "Family Planning" section exists to protect prudes from their own minds, which might conjure up images of penises thrusting into vaginas if they're exposed to words like "CONTRACEPTION" and "SEXUAL AIDS".